It might seem odd.

I mean, how could something that happened online could leave this kind of emotional footprint?

Yet you cannot deny it.

There is a resonance.

Because you know that this sense of being let down connects to something deeper.

It might be touching on something quite young.

Something young and vulnerable.

Perhaps in the past you’ve gone to others with expectations.

Expectations that were not met.

Or even worse … denied.

It left you feeling helpless.

Abandoned.

Firstly, I want to state that those expectations were reasonable.

Furthermore, I’m sorry that they weren’t met, because they should have been.

When we’re young, we lack agency and experience.

So naturally, we look up to others.

It seems only reasonable that they should be responsible for us.

To keep us safe.

To attend to our needs.

And help us feel seen.

But as an adult, it’s different.

Yet when we fall into our vulnerability and rawness, things get confusing.

The constant online swiping and searching ...

… perhaps it was never satisfying because you were looking something?

An acknowledgment of how you felt?

An acknowledgment of what you needed.

Yet if the adult part of you got that now, would it be satisfied?

I suspect that the adult has learned to look after itself.

And while there’s always areas for improvement, is it really doing so badly?

So maybe this young, vulnerable part needs a bit of reassurance from the adult.

To let it know that you understand hard it was.

How difficult.

And that now you can be the one who’s responsible.